I turned 30 in March, and I was a little worried about it to be honest. I decided the best way to deal with it was to spend my birthday hanging out with as many friends as possible. I spent the year before living in Austin, where I knew a lot of fabulous people so I headed south. I stayed with my friend Regina, and she was in charge of making arrangements for a laid back birthday celebration. I told her that I would be fine so long as no one tried to make me feel bad (no black balloons, please) and no one tried to cheer me up (“Thirty is the new Twenty!” or “Don’t worry! There’s still plenty of time to meet a nice man!”) Sometimes nothing can make you feel worse than someone trying a little too hard to make you feel better.
Regina and her roommate, Colleen, agreed to arrange a quiet dinner with a few friends. Secretly, though, they made a plan to take it to the next level and made it a phenomenal way to ring in the next decade of my life.
It’s like this: I told Reg that I just wanted to see everyone and hang out a bit. I contacted a few people including my buddy Ben, but it turned out he and his wife, Charlotte, were going out of town. Lame. Everyone else could make it, and we planned dinner on Saturday night at my friends Meg and John’s house
That night, as I was getting ready to go to dinner, Colleen thought it would be “hilarious” to “joke” about how they hired a male stripper for me. Ha? I knew they weren’t serious because Regina knows that I find male strippers cheesy and weird and that I would not find that sexy so much as deeply uncomfortable. Still, Colleen committed to this story and spun a whole narrative yarn about the stripper’s name being Chip and he’s coming after dinner, etc. Somehow this led to a conversation about Sarah Silverman’s “I’m f*ing Matt Damon” video and the corollary, Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m f*ing Ben Affleck.” I’m not sure how that segue worked in retrospect, but I hadn’t seen them, so Colleen found them online. I was laughing my ass off when the doorbell rang. I was closest to the door, so I opened it.
And I saw this: