It’s been so Christmassy these past few weeks I’m pretty much beyond blessed and party-pooped. But there’s another week to go, what with New Year’s.

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Yet, given lemons, I make lemonade. And speaking of clichés . . . here are some I overheard on 2008’s Christmas circuit. They MUST be shared, Razorbabies.

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“Somebody needs to show Vic Snyder the arrow of his ways.”

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“They’re great. Even if they don’t have it they’ll order anything you don’t want.”

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“He’s one of those people who speaks out of both sides of his fork.”

 

“There is no ‘I’ in ‘Assume.’ “

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“She wouldn’t hurt a hair on his fly.”

 

“Oh, Huckabee’s always going off on some tango.”

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Now, party conversations with people who can’t get their clichés straight, much less who cite FOX, are pointless.

 

So I’ve devised a few conversation-stopping clichés of my own (beginning with, “Well . . . “) to render bores speechless before showing them my back and heading toward zippier in-depth chatter at the bar.

 

So far I’ve come up with these:

 

“Well, when the going gets tough the tough go away.”

 

“Well, never take candy from a baby moth, I always say.”

 

“Well, like they say, never look in a gilt whore’s mouth.”

 

And my personal best –

 

“Well, you should always come with the one you left with.”

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But, God help us, there’s a whole NEW YEAR of potentially inane gatherings awaiting in 2010 thus a need on all our parts for a compendium of more and better “Razorbabies’ Mangled Clichés” to see us through.

 

Got some good ones, Hogs? We swine could use some pearls.

 

 

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