A frequently reliable tipster says the latest report on Heights burglaries includes the theft, in addition to the usual flat screen TV haul, of some $5,000 in pricey wine. (I assume it’s pricey wine. Who has room for $5,000 worth of my favorite, three-liter jugs of Carlo Rossi ?)

The report suggests a certain upward mobility among the criminal class, don’t you think? Professional status, even.

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I envision these guys pecking their wives on the cheek and saying cheerio as they head out to their vans for another day’s work.

“Where you working today, honey?”

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“Heights, probably. But we’ve been up there so much lately we may head out to Chenal. I’ll give you a ring. Is our wine cellar stocked?”

PS — A reader says the subject isn’t funny to those who’ve been crime victims. Agreed. And I am not laughing at the victims. But, as a two-time burglary victim who daily observes the rise of professional burglars who work the same neighborhoods over and over again, just like regular jobs, I find a little dark humor is a better coping mechanism than futile rage. I also voted for the jail tax.

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OR — I guess I could turn to one of the advertisers in the Democrat-Gazette’s new “Home Security Advertising Feature” on the back cover of the Sunday High Profile section: ADT security, Alarm Works of Arkansas or a seller of stun guns, tasers and pepper sprays.

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