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1) During a recent appearance on TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Show,” former president Bill Clinton said that a certain event “might be the only way to unite this aggressively divided world of ours.” What event was he talking about?
A) An invasion by hostile aliens from outer space.
B) Storewide 90 percent off sale at DSW Shoes.
C) Global beer pong tournament.
D) “Game of Thrones” series finale.
2) Last week, officials in Northwest Arkansas told the public that an automated warning texted to over 250 citizens was actually sent in error, the result of a computer glitch. What was the warning about?
A) Snakes in the toilet. Seriously. You’d better check before you sit down next time.
B) A tidal wave alert for Springdale.
C) Imminent arrival of the Coors Light Silver Bullet Party Train.
D) Razorback player’s electronic monitoring anklet went off.
3) On April 1, the Little Rock Police Department arrested a man accused of breaking into a car on Cumberland Street. According to police, how did they find the alleged perp?
A) He was passed out in the driver’s seat with a screwdriver in his hand.
B) Followed a trail of wrappers from a bag of six-month-old Halloween candy.
C) He turned himself in after seeing the face of Christ burned into his toast.
D) He accidentally locked himself in the trunk of the car.
4) Jim Bob Duggar, of TLC’s ongoing “[Umpteen] Kids and Counting” reality show fame, recently announced that his family was withdrawing their political endorsement for David Sterling, a Republican running for Arkansas attorney general. Why did Duggar pull his support from Sterling?
A) As an attorney, Sterling once represented a lingerie store in court.
B) Wore white shoes after Labor Day, as forbidden in Leviticus 14:30-31.
C) Name begins with a letter other than “J.”
D) Jim Bob questions the heterosexuality of any man with fewer than 9 kids.
5) Republican French Hill, who is running for the U.S. House of Representatives, recently fielded a TV ad that features something he calls “Old Blue” as an example of Hill’s supposed penny-pinching ways. What is “Old Blue”?
A) A shattered, powder blue toilet held together by crazy glue and tape.
B) An aging Volvo station wagon.
C) A large, resin-clouded water bong.
D) A faintly pulsing lump on his neck, which Hill is taking a “wait and see” approach to.
6) Arkansas Times Senior Editor Max Brantley is out of the office this week. Where is he?
A) World finals of the Tough-Actin’ Tinactin John Madden Look-Alike Contest in Vegas.
B) On vacation in Africa.
C) Riding boxcars coast to coast, hobo style.
D) TwiCon 2014, the Ark-La-Tex’s biggest “Twilight” superfan conference.
ANSWERS: A, B, A, A, B, B