Here’s tonight’s open line. I’ll use it to share a Florida columnist’s tough take on Mike Huckabee’s fine whine about interlopers on the beach in front of his Florida house, including a reference to the Huck’s apparent close attention to some X-rated activity on the water. Don’t fail to click the link to see the writer’s cartoon lampooning the Huckster

We’ve written previously about Mike Huckabee’s political efforts to restrict public access to the sugar sand beach in front of his $3 million mansion in Santa Rosa, Fla., but not as gloriously as columnist/cartoonist Andy Marlette in the Pensacola News Journal.

In promoting legislation to bar public access (and harm local tourism in the process), wrote Marlette, “Huckabee sounds like the most sensitive of snowflakes as he complains about everything from taxes to music to “dog feces.””

Marlette continues:

Playing the victim card is a classic tactic of big-government elitists who want to abuse the law to restrict the basic rights and freedom of others.

While true freedom-loving, American beach lovers like Jimmy Buffett and Kenny Chesney celebrate things like music, fun and fellowship on our beaches, angry elitists like Huckabee want to control and punish it. Typical!

Marlette also reports on an email believed written by Huckabee to a local candidate — the rhetoric is a dead giveaway of authorship — and more whining about the awful things he and Janet have had to endure.

“I know you are running for Commissioner, and I would like to get clarification on your views regarding ‘customary use,'” reads the email. “It’s more like customary theft. … I daily pick up trash, glass bottles, cigarette butts, dog feces, plastic wrappers and even used condoms left on my walkdown.”

At one point, the email even alleges pornographic activity on a waterboard. “Two weeks ago, a young couple stripped naked and conducted various sex acts including intercourse on a YOLO board in clear sight of the beach in front of my home at 2 in the afternoon … . Is this ‘customary?’”

Marlette weighs in on the hypocrisy of the wealthy and Republicans such as Matt Gaetz who inveigh against government regulation using it to keep the unwashed off rich folks’ beachscapes.


Yet this is the recurring tale of two ideologies — the one that’s often preached by phony Panhandle political types and the one they actually practice. They love to talk a big game about liberty and freedom, until it’s wearing board shorts, baiting a hook and cracking a cold one in front of their Gulf-front mansion.

The lesson? The politics professed by some of these people is about as cheap as the Arkansas carpetbag they moved to Florida with. 

One question: “Various sex acts.” Did Huckabee have to watch them all? And did he use a telescope?