This just in, sorta, Chick-fil-A, the chain of chicken focused fast food restaurants, is opening a new location in Little Rock! Where you might ask?
North Little Rock? No, sillies.
West Little Rock? Ummm, they don’t eat fast food out there.
Maumelle? No, they just got a Wendy’s.
Argenta? Right….cause that’s gonna happen…big chains opening in DT…
Downtown? See Argenta and the fact Sticky Fingerz ain’t having no other fowl fryers on their turf.
Nope, literally a stone’s throw from the current Chick-fil-A location in Park Plaza Mall. How does this make any sense at all?
[My re-inactment of Chick-fil-A corporate executives making this decision, mind you, this is all from my imagination, this is only a re-inactment of a ficitious events.]
Andrew: Hey, Bill, what should we do with this Little Rock market, we go that one restaurant in that mall that’s doing great.
Bill: Oooo, oooo, oooo, me, me, me, call on me!
Andrew: It’s just us, you can go ahead.
Bill: Thanks. Okay, let’s pit two locations against each other for no descernable reason.
Andrew: Hmmm, that’s a great idea. Oh, and how about in a location that will make traffic in at one of the city’s busiest intersections even worse, yay! And double word score, who doesn’t like fast food restraunt next to a funeral home?
Bill: YES! Now let’s build a moat around it, fill it with the used oil from the fryers and light it on fire!
Andrew: Whoa, Bill, too far, man, too far. We don’t want to do anything crazy.
Bill. You’re right. Maybe next year.
Seriously, has anyone seen someone trying to turn left out of Park Plaza? It’s like a gauntlet and then there’s the person turning right who can’t see around that person turning left, so they pull halfway into the right lane, because that’s cool. Ahhhh! And now a fast food restaurant in the mix? There is going to be people trying to go left on the other side of Markham as well, WITH NO TURN LANE, and that huge hill to the West that you cannot see over and Markham/ University intersection to the East (which if you are ever waiting for the light to change, is the most notorious place for those people who see a yellow light five cars back and still think they have the right to pull through the left turn even though the light has gone red and they could kill themselves, their child in the passengers seat and other drivers.)
Who green lit the permits for this place? I swear, sometimes I wonder what they do down at City Hall. Is there a planning commission or is it just like a planning tea party? It’s like developing commercial real estate with my brother’s kids or something.
Well, I predict in the first year there will be at least, AT LEAST, five serious accidents due to the new traffic at Chick-fil-A, at least. Mark my words! Write them down and save them for later. Unless we see some kind of road widening/turn lane creation (which we won’t if you look at the two sides of the road, there’s no where to go) this new business will mean trouble, with a capital T, and that rhymes with “me”, who won’t be driving through at that Chick-fil-a, anytime soon.
Confidentially detouring around this during rush hour, Mr. Ricky
PS: Mad Map Props to Google for the imagery!