1) Benjamin Craig Matthews, 39, of Mountain Home was arrested recently. What, according to police, did Matthews do to get arrested?
A) He impersonated an orthodontist, which immediately drew attention because of the lack of Mountain Home residents with a full set of teeth.
B) Hunting Sasquatch out of season.
C) Assault with a deadly gourd.
D) He made more than 40 threatening calls to CNN headquarters between Oct. 31 and Nov. 2.
2) You may remember state Rep. Charlie Collins (R-Fayetteville), the four-term legislator and NRA darling who sponsored and pushed through a 2017 state law allowing concealed carry on Arkansas’s college campuses. What’s he doing now?
A) Lovingly and slowly cleaning his Glock, shirtless, while the soulful stylings of Kenny G. play in the background.
B) Wondering if your kid away at college is feeling lucky, punk.
C) Repeatedly shooting a copy of Darwin’s “The Origin of Species” for doin’ the devil’s work!
D) Looking for new employment, after Democrat Denise Garner, a candidate supported by the “gun-sense” group Moms Demand Action, destroyed him by 10 percentage points in the election.
3) Speaking of the election, state Rep. Mickey Gates (R-Hot Springs) cruised to victory over his Democratic challenger with over 65
A) In the waning days of the election, he accidentally let it slip that, like all Republicans, he is actually a carefully disguised Lizard Man from Exoplanet Pascal-Xylon 9.
B) He will only cop to wanting to “Make America Somewhat OK I Guess Again.”
C) He refused to sign a birthday card for Vladimir Putin, angering President Trump.
D) He’s been charged with multiple felonies for his alleged failure to pay state income tax for over a decade.
4) The Satanic Temple recently sued Netflix and the producers of the streaming series “The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.” Why does the show have the Satanists’ horns on fire?
A) Satan is depicted as a cackling fat guy in a red leotard, which Satanists find offensive.
B) In the show, Sabrina’s arch-nemesis, state Sen. Jake Rampart, an opponent of the separation of church and state, passes a law that forces a local Baptist church to install a 10-foot granite monument that says “God is Dead!” on its grounds.
C) The Satanists claim that, contrary to what’s seen on the show, Beelzebub wouldn’t be caught dead in white shoes after Labor Day.
D) The set for Sabrina’s witchcraft school includes a statue of the goat-headed deity Baphomet that looks suspiciously like the bronze statue that the Satanic Temple would like to see installed on the grounds of the Arkansas State Capitol.
5) An Arkansas-based entity recently paid $10.5 million for the 15-year naming rights to the North Little Rock facility now known as Verizon Arena. What is likely to be the venue’s new name?
A) Chittlin’ Hut of Greater West Memphis Stadium.
B) Pop-a-Top Liquor Arena.
C) The Ecclesia College Dome, aka The Arkansas Republican
D) Simmons Bank Arena.