Play at home, while being thankful you weren’t dumb enough to bust into the U.S. Capitol with a stun gun.
1) Richard “Bigo” Barnett, the Gravette man who was photographed with his feet on a desk in Nancy Pelosi’s office during the Jan. 6 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, recently had another charge added to his growing list, which could net him up to 10 years in the federal clink along with a $250,000 fine. What was the charge?
- A) Wanton Boobery.
- B) Clownin’ Without a License.
- C) MAGAing With Intent To Be Stupid.
- D) Entering a restricted building without lawful authority while carrying a dangerous weapon. Specifically, a ZAP Hike ‘N Strike walking stick/stun gun, capable of delivering an incapacitating 950,000-volt shock.
2) Something that could be rather dangerous in the wrong hands was recently stolen from a parked vehicle in West Memphis, with officials concerned enough about it that they called in the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission, the FBI, local law enforcement, the State Police and the Arkansas Division of Emergency Management to assist in its recovery. What was it?
- A) A 10-page explainer on what the hell is going on with “Wandavision.”
- B) The last “Trump 2020: F**k Your Feelings” T-shirt that remains unstained by bitter tears.
- C) Arkansas’s only functional snowplow.
- D) A 95-pound yellow plastic trunk containing a Troxler Electronic Laboratories Model 3411-B soil moisture and density gauge, which contains both highly-radioactive Cesium 137 and Americium 241.
3) The office of Arkansas Attorney General Leslie Rutledge recently put out an alert after receiving “several dozen” calls from citizens concerned they might be victims of a scam. What was the alert about?
- A) Counterfeit frozen pizzas containing Cesium 137 and Americium 241.
- B) People who recently received Facebook messages from family members in south Texas begging for help, saying they’re trapped in a blizzard. That’s impossible, right?
- C) People who had received political mailers from the gubernatorial campaign of former professional White House liar Sarah Huckabee Sanders, touting her dedication to honesty, decency and always telling Arkansans the truth.
- D) Economic Impact Payment Cards: debit cards loaded with $1,200 government stimulus payments that were mailed out by the U.S. Treasury Department, which some citizens had suspected were fake.
4) North Little Rock Mayor Terry Hartwick has ambitious plans for the city now that he has taken office. Which of the following is a real project Hartwick has planned for north of the river?
- A) He recently formed a blue-ribbon commission to study whether the North Little Rock Police Department should be forbidden from putting suspects in the trunks of their squad cars.
- B) He’ll personally run a 10-cent corn dog stand outside NLR City Hall every third Thursday from noon to 3 p.m.
- C) The Dogtown Promise, which gives every child born in the city limits free tuition to the bartending school of their choice.
- D) Improving drainage in the long-soggy Dixie Addition, bringing an “urgent care” medical clinic to low-income areas along East Broadway, and setting up a “pothole hotline” for residents to report chugholes.
5) Pulaski County Prosecutor Larry Jegley recently told Little Rock Mayor Frank Scott Jr. why he didn’t prosecute those issued loitering citations after they were allegedly caught watching illegal street racing in July 2020. Why, according to Jegley, didn’t he throw the book at ‘em?
- A) Because, unbeknownst to most, Jegley is the mysterious, masked driver of the flat black, 807-horsepower Dodge Challenger with “PRSCUTR” plates that has been collecting pink slips on the streets of Little Rock since last spring.
- B) Because he’s a rebel with a cause.
- C) Because he just can’t get enough of Vin Diesel in those “Fast and Furious” movies.
- D) Because, according to Jegley, those who were issued citations didn’t actually commit the crime of loitering as spelled out in state law.
6) It was recently announced that in addition to an ongoing $142 million renovation and expansion, the Arkansas Arts Center will also have a new name when it opens again to the public. What’s the name going to be?
- A) The Arkansas Museum of Fancy Pitchers and Such.
- B) Stuff Old White Republicans Hate.
- C) The Museum of Not Crystal Bridges.
- D) The Arkansas Museum of Fine Arts, which is a throwback to the museum’s original name when it opened more than 80 years ago.
ANSWERS: D, D, D, D, D, D