1) Former Arkansan, U.S. Senator and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton recently announced a new venture she hopes will debut in October. What was the announcement?

  1. A) She’s starting a baking company called Hillary’s Old-Fashioned Can We Shut The Fuck Up About How I Was a “Flawed Candidate” Now? Cookies.
  2. B) She denied being the Machiavellian puppet master behind every GOP fever dream from pizza parlor covens to serial grave robbery and reaffirmed her commitment to being a retired grandmother living quietly in upstate New York, as she has been every moment of the past four years.
  3. C) She’s taking up competitive bass fishing, sponsored by Walmart.
  4. D) Partnering with the novelist Louise Penny, she’s planning to write a thriller called “State of Terror” about a secretary of state who works to stop a series of terrorist attacks. 

2) Something strange happened at exactly 8:17 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 24, in Central Arkansas, and researchers are now asking the public for video of the event from dashcams, security cameras and doorbell cameras. What was it? 

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  1. A) In a rare moment of clarity, Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Merkin Fork) briefly considered if — by being such an unmitigated ass all the time — he might actually be driving people away from Christianity.
  2. B) After a full year of isolation, hordes of newly vaccinated older people took to the streets in a night of mayhem that included multiple flaming bags of dog poop left on the doorstep at the Governor’s Mansion. And yes, Asa fell for it every time.
  3. C) The last anti-masker in Pulaski County realized that he was being a selfish, childish, sociopathic, attention-hungry dick and put a mask on.
  4. D) A large meteorite blazed across the sky, and researchers are hoping that by triangulating multiple videos of it, they can locate where it fell. (Got a video? Report it to the American Meteor Society at amsmeteors.org).

3) Heiress Alice Walton recently announced plans to build something new in Bentonville with her near-unlimited Walmart Bucks. What is she planning?

  1. A) The Crystal Hot Sauce Museum of American Sandwiches.
  2. B) A cross-town expressway with inflatable rubber guardrails so people can drive drunk any time they want.
  3. C) The world’s first hovering Walmart store.
  4. D) The Whole Health School of Medicine and Health Sciences, a nonprofit medical school that she hopes to open by 2024.

4) A recent hearing before U.S. Magistrate Judge Patricia Harris in Little Rock concerning a man charged with being a felon in possession of a firearm went off the rails to the point Harris ordered the defendant, Tommy Windell Wright, 24, jailed until things could be sorted out. What was the issue?

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  1. A) Due to courtroom mask mandates, the prosecutor on the case briefly lost track of who was who. 
  2. B) After a large cabinet Wright uses in his magic act was introduced as evidence, he stepped inside and disappeared into thin air.
  3. C) Wright’s emotional-support chicken, Lady Regina Pinchbottom, wouldn’t stop clucking.
  4. D) Investigators told the judge that Tommy Windell Wright is the identical twin brother of Tony Windell Wright — who is not charged in the case — and Tony sometimes uses his brother’s name when questioned by police, with Tommy Wright’s defense attorney claiming the arrest was actually a case of mistaken identity.

5) In more consequential news, Marlon Marbley Jr., 21, was recently arrested and charged in the March 7 shooting death of a 32-year-old woman from White Hall. What, according to investigators, was remarkable about where the murder occurred?

  1. A) It happened online.
  2. B) It happened at a 102-year-old woman’s funeral.
  3. C) It happened in the parking lot of the Little Rock Police Department.
  4. D) It happened outside the North Little Rock outlet of Chuck E. Cheese, where Marbley’s 2-year-old son was having a birthday party.

6) Minute Man CEO Perry Smith, who is helping give the storied charcoal-grilled burger chain a new lease on life by franchising restaurants and fielding a Minute Man food truck, said the company recently acquired another food-dispensing vehicle that may be surprising to some when it debuts later this year. What’s special about Minute Man’s new mobile burger-slinger?

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  1. A) It’s a former U.S. Army tank, modified to shoot burgers directly into a customer’s mouth.
  2. B) It’s a 2017 Ram 3500 dually with a fiberglass body that makes it look like a giant burger.
  3. C) It’s powered solely by people pedalling exercise bikes to work off the burgers they just ate.
  4. D) It’s a 39-foot-long kitchen-on-wheels, made from the fuselage of a Douglas DC-3 passenger plane and styled to resemble the Space Shuttle.

ANSWERS: D, D, D, D, D, D