1) Former Arkansan, U.S. Senator and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton recently announced a new venture she hopes will debut in October. What was the announcement?
- A) She’s starting a baking company called Hillary’s Old-Fashioned Can We Shut The Fuck Up About How I Was a “Flawed Candidate” Now? Cookies.
- B) She denied being the Machiavellian puppet master behind every GOP fever dream from pizza parlor covens to serial grave robbery and reaffirmed her commitment to being a retired grandmother living quietly in upstate New York, as she has been every moment of the past four years.
- C) She’s taking up competitive bass fishing, sponsored by Walmart.
- D) Partnering with the novelist Louise Penny, she’s planning to write a thriller called “State of Terror” about a secretary of state who works to stop a series of terrorist attacks.
2) Something strange happened at exactly 8:17 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 24, in Central Arkansas, and researchers are now asking the public for video of the event from dashcams, security cameras and doorbell cameras. What was it?
- A) In a rare moment of clarity, Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Merkin Fork) briefly considered if — by being such an unmitigated ass all the time — he might actually be driving people away from Christianity.
- B) After a full year of isolation, hordes of newly vaccinated older people took to the streets in a night of mayhem that included multiple flaming bags of dog poop left on the doorstep at the Governor’s Mansion. And yes, Asa fell for it every time.
- C) The last anti-masker in Pulaski County realized that he was being a selfish, childish, sociopathic, attention-hungry dick and put a mask on.
- D) A large meteorite blazed across the sky, and researchers are hoping that by triangulating multiple videos of it, they can locate where it fell. (Got a video? Report it to the American Meteor Society at amsmeteors.org).
3) Heiress Alice Walton recently announced plans to build something new in Bentonville with her near-unlimited Walmart Bucks. What is she planning?
- A) The Crystal Hot Sauce Museum of American Sandwiches.
- B) A cross-town expressway with inflatable rubber guardrails so people can drive drunk any time they want.
- C) The world’s first hovering Walmart store.
- D) The Whole Health School of Medicine and Health Sciences, a nonprofit medical school that she hopes to open by 2024.
4) A recent hearing before U.S. Magistrate Judge Patricia Harris in Little Rock concerning a man charged with being a felon in possession of a firearm went off the rails to the point Harris ordered the defendant, Tommy Windell Wright, 24, jailed until things could be sorted out. What was the issue?
- A) Due to courtroom mask mandates, the prosecutor on the case briefly lost track of who was who.
- B) After a large cabinet Wright uses in his magic act was introduced as evidence, he stepped inside and disappeared into thin air.
- C) Wright’s emotional-support chicken, Lady Regina Pinchbottom, wouldn’t stop clucking.
- D) Investigators told the judge that Tommy Windell Wright is the identical twin brother of Tony Windell Wright — who is not charged in the case — and Tony sometimes uses his brother’s name when questioned by police, with Tommy Wright’s defense attorney claiming the arrest was actually a case of mistaken identity.
5) In more consequential news, Marlon Marbley Jr., 21, was recently arrested and charged in the March 7 shooting death of a 32-year-old woman from White Hall. What, according to investigators, was remarkable about where the murder occurred?
- A) It happened online.
- B) It happened at a 102-year-old woman’s funeral.
- C) It happened in the parking lot of the Little Rock Police Department.
- D) It happened outside the North Little Rock outlet of Chuck E. Cheese, where Marbley’s 2-year-old son was having a birthday party.
6) Minute Man CEO Perry Smith, who is helping give the storied charcoal-grilled burger chain a new lease on life by franchising restaurants and fielding a Minute Man food truck, said the company recently acquired another food-dispensing vehicle that may be surprising to some when it debuts later this year. What’s special about Minute Man’s new mobile burger-slinger?
- A) It’s a former U.S. Army tank, modified to shoot burgers directly into a customer’s mouth.
- B) It’s a 2017 Ram 3500 dually with a fiberglass body that makes it look like a giant burger.
- C) It’s powered solely by people pedalling exercise bikes to work off the burgers they just ate.
- D) It’s a 39-foot-long kitchen-on-wheels, made from the fuselage of a Douglas DC-3 passenger plane and styled to resemble the Space Shuttle.
ANSWERS: D, D, D, D, D, D