Collector of web ephemera David Koon passes along this gem:

Every year, the first-year students at The Patterson School of Diplomacy and International Commerce at the University of Kentucky are broken up into different sectors of government — Department of Defense, Department of Justice, CIA, Health and Human Services, etc — assigned a diplomatic crisis scenario, and then asked them to make suggestions in the event of that crisis.

This year, their assignment was to imagine what would happen if the scenario played out in the HBO series “True Blood” (inspired, of course, by Arkie Charlaine Harris’ books) — that vampires are among us and have outted themselves to the human population — was real.

Their conclusions seem roundly smart, but also, of course, pretty hilarious.

Check out HHS “we’re-screwed” response:

Vampires will not fit within current human-oriented health administrative codes and regulations because, should they be granted full citizenship, they will have access to the national health care system. Their particular strength, lifespan, and sustenance needs would not fit into normal codes, and new ones must be developed, separate from human regulations to account for vampires’ unique condition. Medicare regulations will have to be severely restricted to vampires, as their life span is known to be far longer than average unaffiliated humans. Medicaid will also require adjustments, as human diseases afflict vampires to a far lesser extent.