8 p.m. Juanita’s. $40 adv., $45 day of.
Now, first things first, Poison’s “Talk Dirty to Me” is the greatest song of the entire ’80s glam-metal scene. Don’t even try to argue that it’s not, because you won’t win (provided you are arguing with me). “Nothin’ but a Good Time” is a close second though.
Now that we’ve established that, I’m gonna move on to my personal favorite Bret Michaels album, “The Vocalizer: A Vocal Warm-Up for Real Life.” Bret lays it all out for you aspiring vocalists (and fans of vocal warm-up albums): ” ‘Bret,’ you ask, ‘why do I gotta warm up my voice?’ ” Bret asks rhetorically. “Well let me tell you, make no mistake about it, your vocal chords are a muscle, like a tricep or a bicep. You do not want to have any excessive or instant strain that could cause some serious damage on your pipes.” Got it? Good.
“It’s absolutely crucial that you’re aware of how and what your throat and vocal chords do and how to protect and preserve them,” he says. “I never ever strain my range,” he adds, with the implicit message that you shouldn’t strain your range, either.
After the introduction, it’s on to the exercises. I always do them all when listening to this album, which has resulted in some odd looks from people in the library, but that’s fine because you’ve gotta protect your vocal chords and they can all just deal with it. I do the tongue vibrato and the suck-face (both non-pitch-specific) as well as the exercises for tenor (my range). Bret has you make the normal “ooh” and “ahh” and “eeh” sounds, but also some unexpected ones, like “gugh” and “noo” and “nah.” As Bret reminds you though: “Don’t force it; find it in your range.”
I kinda doubt he’ll perform any of his vocal exercises during this show. More likely that he’ll be singing many of your favorite Poison songs, and maybe some cover tunes as well. Also on this bill: The Revolutioners and Rodge & The Dirt Road Republic.