One of the most iconic scenes in cinema history is the opening to the original Star Wars: a small ship flies by the camera, soon to be followed by a mammoth Star Destroyer that takes up the entire screen and dwarfs everything around it.

I say this, because I felt like that little ship when they handed me my bag today at Iriana’s Pizza. Inside that bag was a Star Destroyer of a sandwich: the full size Italian Grinder, a hulking pile of salami, ham, capocollo, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, and pickles — all crammed into a crusty Italian roll and served hot.


It’s big. And it’s glorious.

I’ve always figured that a lifestyle choice might kill me — maybe I’ll smoke one too many cigarettes, or the craft beer will finally turn my liver into human foie gras (but not delicious). But beyond all those things, my love of salty, fatty cured meats is sure to be my undoing, because I can eat them until I get stupid with the meat sweats. It’s a love affair that I have no intention of ending until it ends me.


Which brings me back to this sandwich: you should get it. For those of you who aren’t hopeless gluttons, it comes in a half order that’s more than enough for the average human appetite. But if you want to experience the feeling of holding a sandwich the size of a Louisville Slugger (or so it seemed to me), go for the full size sandwich. And ask for extra onions — they’re delicious, and I’ve read they’re good for your heart.