A GOP spokesman today denied allegations that Melania Trump “borrowed” parts of her speech to the GOP convention, and said that the incident proved what Donald Trump has believed all along – that the Obama administration has been using time travel technology in order to profit politically.
“It’s the only thing that makes any sort of sense in the situation,” said Harry Glutmann on Fox News this morning. “Clearly, Michelle Obama was allowed to use this technology some years ago so that she could travel to the future and steal the words of others, in order to make herself seem articulate and smartified.”
When asked for proof, Glutmann said, “Have you never seen the documentary series Time Tunnel? You think they just made that stuff up? And by the way, Time Tunnel was a lot better than that English show where the guy runs around in a port-a-potty.”
The dangers to the space/time continuum should not be downplayed, the GOP spokesman insisted. “Imagine a world where Donald Trump didn’t win the GOP nomination. Imagine a world where Donald Trump wasn’t the richest man in history with the biggest hands of anyone in the financial world?”
Dr. Heinz Leinster of Trump University announced that they had been aware of the problem for some time, citing incidents where Barack Obama has traveled into the 22nd Century and pilfered from speeches made in the future.
“We’d tell you which speeches they are, but unlike the Democrats, we treat rips in the fabric of time seriously.”
While Glutmann was on the phone to Fox News, a stentorian voice could be heard shouting in the background, “Four score and seven years ago? No! It has to be huge! Four hundred score and 70 years ago!”
Yes – deep sigh – the above was satire
For those Lost Souls who still can’t tell the difference between satire and actual reporting, the above is satire. And no, I won’t ever, ever tell you that something is satire before you begin reading.
Sadly, this bit is true
My favorite creepy Internet post of the day – bet this person gets a lot of their “news” on Facebook . . .
“Since when does anyone own words, would you explain that to me please. There are literally millions upon millions of speech’s and I would bet you could find the same thing in millions of them. Try to find a life.”
I wrote today’s blog with the admirable assistance of the CD “Spirit of Africa,” which features the voices of Insingizi, who hail from Zimbabwe.
Now on YouTube: Fifty Shades of Darkness
Some years ago I was engaged to videotape a presentation on the world of S&M, given by two practitioners of that lifestyle. I had a free hand when it came to editing, and as I watched – and re-watched – the footage I came to realize that the whole thing was really nothing more than a 1950s marriage – on steroids.
And really, how seriously was I supposed to take a presentation which handed out worksheets with titles like “Music to whip by”?
Quote of the Day
Good movies make you care, make you believe in possibilities again. – Pauline Kael