The Dalek in my liver having grown considerably since scans were first done a few months ago, I am looking at having radioactive beads slipped into me in the next few weeks.
While it sort of sucks that my tumor has grown to the size it has, I am heartened by the fact that my doctors at UAMS are willing to give me the amount needed, which is pretty much the maximum they can give me.
The fact is that, except for this creature inside me, my liver is working great. Aside from cancer, you could almost say that I am disgustingly healthy, all things considered.
On our way back from Little Rock this week, Tracy asked me if I was in denial about the realities of the situation. I answered flippantly that a little denial at times like this can be good for the soul.
But as lovely as a state of denial seems in the wee small hours of the morning, I am as far from denial as one can get.
A few months? A few years? I’m working against a deadline, and I know it. What does a man do with such a deadline looming on the horizon?
There are folks out there who have all sorts of ideas about how you should spend the time you have left to you, and what your priorities should be. The fact that some of their ideas seem drawn from movies on the Hallmark Channel, well, I don’t hold against them.
But it’s my life, and I have to set my own priorities, I think. I have tried to live my life by my own set of principles, and to change that now would be an act of emotional dishonesty.
Writing. God, still so much to write about! Not only about this particular journey, but about things that I truly care about, along with a few stories from my life.
I have The Book to finish working on, hoping that this time the University of Arkansas Press might actually answer a query letter.
Rewriting parts of “Freedom Run,” my slow moving science fiction cult classic.
Getting things in order here, so that Tracy isn’t overwhelmed when I pass on.
Devoting myself to letting her know how much she means to me.
Perhaps even catching up on a few of those 100 movies to Watch Before You Die lists that crop up every so often.
Get around to reading some of the books I have sitting around but haven’t gotten to yet.
Work on the show.
And who knows, maybe a couple of other things, time permitting.
But I’m not going anywhere for a while, so let’s just stop here before things get too maudlin.
As always, not writing this looking for pity. You want to make me feel better, the magic words, “Good writing!” work wonders.
Mister Johnny Cash is playing today, because sometime only Johnny can speak the truth one needs to hear.
Now on YouTube: The Neon Girls
From a performance given at the University of Arkansas in 1996, I never get tired of The Neon Girls.
Best of the Neon Girls
Quote of the Day
“Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.” – Gloria Steinem